Evan Quinlan

Archive for the ‘Drabbles’ Category

The Devil May Care

In Drabbles, Fan Fiction, Fiction, Short Stories on March 8, 2013 at 9:24 am

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care, currently open for funding at indiegogo.com.


Hell hasn’t existed forever.  Many think it’s the Yin to Heaven’s Yang but that’s mixing mythologies.  There is a Yin; it’s called Eternal Darkness.  But it never became Hell until Lucifer arrived.  It will revert when he leaves.

Make no mistake: Hell is a punishment devised by God for a single angel and it follows him everywhere.  Everyone knows he can’t escape it.

But not poor Lucifer, who wants so badly to return to Heaven.

Don’t cry, Lou.  You don’t mean to be evil.  It’s just your punishment.

Put down that man’s head, Lou.

You’ll sooner die than be forgiven.

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On the Rocks

In Drabbles, Fan Fiction, Fiction, Short Stories on March 7, 2013 at 11:30 am

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care, currently open for funding at indiegogo.com.


“Needless to say, the Almighty Father crushed my little rebellion and banished me to eternal darkness.  I made it work for me, but ruling over hordes of miserable people gets old.  Now I seek to return home, to Heaven.”

“Wow,” says the bartender.  “That’s some shit.”

“Yeah.  Now comfort me,” says Lucifer.

The bartender mixes him some comfort.

“This is delicious,” Lucifer says. “What’s it called?”

“A Little Piece of Heaven.”  The bartender winks.

Lucifer’s eyes glow red.

“Are you… kidding me with this…?” he says, voice escalating.

The glass shatters.  The bartender screams.

“DO YOU THINK”—Lucifer stands—”THIS IS FUNNY, MORTAL?”

First Confession

In Drabbles, Fan Fiction, Fiction, Short Stories on March 6, 2013 at 10:00 am

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care, currently open for funding at indiegogo.com.


“So that’s what I do,” said the bartender.  “Everyone who comes in here, I listen.  And no matter what horrible shit they’ve done, I tell them everything’s gonna be okay and I give them one on the house.”

“So,” said the man at the bar.  “You’re like a priest, except you give away false absolution and booze, all at no spiritual cost?”

“Pretty much.”

The man at the bar smiled.

“That makes you, like, my kind of priest.”

“You got a story, then?” the bartender asked.

“Oh yeah,” replied Lucifer, “I do.  So listen closely, it’s one hell of a tale.”

Poor, Poor Devil

In Drabbles, Fan Fiction, Fiction, Short Stories on March 5, 2013 at 1:20 pm

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care, currently open for funding at indiegogo.com.


Aw, look at his big eyes and adorable trench coat!  Look at the scruff on his precious little face he grew as a cry for help!  Maybe we should let him in?

I don’t think Dad would like it.

You’re right, but still.  He’s so adorable.

He’s flipping us the bird.

Oh, so he is.

I can see why Dad keeps him out.

I wouldn’t let in a dog that bit me, either.

“Are you two done talking?” Lucifer said. “If so, you’re blocking the door and I need a drink.”

The angels stepped aside and The Devil entered the bar.

Idyl

In Drabbles, Poetry on January 31, 2013 at 9:44 am

The air today tugs my heart toward misty places where sheer rock walls rise around wet grass and short, twisted trees that I may climb or sit under.  Nearby drops of water settle upon the surface of a pool and I can lean over to see myself in the ripples.  The air is cool beneath a rock overhang but a breeze freshens it with the smell of tree bark in rain.  The sky is overcast and beneath it, sitting on a log or a stump, I write, write, write, and my imaginings perch upon the stony ledges, sentinels of the dream.

Swallowed In Darkness

In Drabbles, Fiction, Short Stories on December 31, 2012 at 11:58 am

I cannot see but the hunger sharpens my nose and ears.  I hear the other one scrape, trip, curse, shift.  I smell its breath and sweat.  Sometimes it pleads when I get close and wave my knife.  I need to eat.  I’m sorry but hunger drowns the sorrow.  The soldiers were cruel to seal a mother and son in here to die but they were monsters for leaving air holes.  Now I am an animal.  I hear my prey in the dusty darkness.  So hungry… so hungry… so hungry I cannot even remember whether I was the mother or the son.

Superman Stood

In Drabbles, Fan Fiction, Fiction, Short Stories on November 22, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Superman stood atop a hill, watching.  He no longer fought, as he once had, to protect Metropolis.

A boy climbed the hill and asked Superman, “Why don’t you help us?  No one could stand against you.”

Superman replied, “Like everyone, I follow the path of least resistance.  But which path shall I follow when nothing can or will resist me?”

The young man thought.

“How about the path of greatest good?”

Superman looked at the boy.

“Don’t lecture me, you little snot.”  And he batted the kid off the hill.

Did I mention, this was bad Superman from Superman III.

New Terrorist Weapon Devastating, Extremely Tasty

In Drabbles, Fiction, Short Stories on November 21, 2012 at 12:39 pm

The Defense Secretary released statistics today revealing increased deaths overseas due to proliferation of what experts are calling PCFs, or poisonous candy frogs.  Enemy militia released a thousand of the insidious bio-weapons into allied military bases last month, resulting in everything getting sticky as well as persistent allied casualties.  “They look so tasty,” said one sergeant, “all bright stripes like one of those big lollipops.  You can’t help but lick them even though they’re poisonous.”  Licking one as he spoke, the sergeant did indeed die shortly thereafter.  I am also licking one right now.  Tell my wife I love her.

How to Get Away with Almost Anything

In Drabbles, Fiction, Short Stories on July 30, 2012 at 10:53 pm

The ad had read, How to avoid any legal charge short of mass murder; a five-minute class.

We all wandered into the classroom and sat down.  The teacher looked ordinary enough.  “Pick up your pencils, please,” he said.  We did.

“Let’s begin with how I will avoid a trespassing charge today, since I don’t actually have permission to be here.”  He paused, grinning.

“Okay, how?”  I asked.

“It’s easy.  For killing a room full of people using pencils smeared with fast-acting, skin-absorbed poison, I’ll be charged with mass-murder.  But I guarantee the authorities will overlook the trespassing.  See?  Guaranteed success!”

The Talk

In Drabbles, Fiction, Short Stories on May 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm

“Okay, Tim. I know you’re a little embarrassed but you’ve gotta know this stuff to be a grownup.”

“Okay.”

“Alright:

Not a Bird

“This is a…?”

“Bird.”

Bee.

“Bee, right. Sorry, Dad.”

“What did we learn are some common indicators for bees?”

“Head, thorax, ab…domen…”

“Don’t just read the chart.”

“Okay, uh, the pointies.”

“Antennas. Good start. What else.”

“Clear wings. Four legs. Feathers.”

“Christ, Tim, feathers are birds!”

“I’m sorry, Dad!”

“No, I’m sorry… I shouldn’t get upset. This can be embarrassing for me, too.”

“I know. I wish we were just talking about vaginas, sperm, and condom application.”

“Me, too, son.”