This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care.

Death and Lucifer had been friends for a long time (he liked her devil-may-care attitude; she liked his morbidity). So how, Death wondered, do you break bad news to a friend?

“Lou,” she said over her untouched coffee, “I know you think you’re sending good people to Heaven when you kill them. But you’re not.”

“Really?” Lou said, leaning back in his chair. “Because they haven’t come my way.”

“That’s the bad news… Heaven’s not taking them. They’re wise to your new experiment.”

“Damn,” said Lou. “So where’re they going?”

“NOWHERE,” said the ghosts crowded into the cafe behind him.

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care.

“So,” said Lou, “to what do I owe this pleasant visit?”

“That should be obvious,” said Death. “I’ve received over a dozen souls from this church in under a week, and they all told me the same story, that they were imprisoned by a maniac running an involuntary self-help group. So I thought I’d come see.”

“Humans Anonymous,” said Lou proudly. “I figured, if humans sin constantly like Father says, I can help out by stopping them from doing anything at all!”

Death nodded, calmly regarding each of the captive humans wriggling hopelessly against their bonds on the basement floor.

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s upcoming short film Devil May Care, currently accepting donations. Contribute and be part of the magic!

“So,” said Death, “You live in the basement of a vacant church.”

“That’s right,” said Lucifer.  “Home sweet home.”

“Does it hurt?  Can you even touch the walls?”

“Actually,” replied Lucifer, “I find this place quite comfortable.  For two reasons.”  He held up two fingers.

Death just looked at him.

“Guess,” Lucifer said.

“Alright.  The first reason is… spite.”

“Usually, yes.  But not now.  I’m trying to be good.”

“Okay, then.  You like things that have fallen from faith.”

“Bingo.  And second?”

“You feel at home living far below God.”

Lucifer thought.

“I was gonna say ‘no landlord,’ but… yeah.”

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care, currently open for funding at indiegogo.com.

On Earth angels and demons walked free and Lucifer found that a bother.  Earth made him feel closer to Heaven, for which he longed, but Heaven was closed and Hell wasn’t home so Lucifer made do with Earth.  But he needed a hideaway.

At first he felt a pull toward the homeless, thinking they’d understand.  But the homeless made poor cohorts and he toyed with them more often than identified with them.

Home.

“You live here?” Lucifer’s date asked.

“Yes.  Come in,” he said.

So the woman stepped through the door into the basement of what had once been a church.

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care, currently open for funding at indiegogo.com.

“Spare change?”

The girl held her hand toward Lucifer.

“What constitutes ‘spare change’?”  Lucifer asked.

“Um… you don’t want it anymore.”

“Ah.  Then you and I are spare change.”

The girl looked perplexed.

“But,” said Lucifer, “I’m going to fix two problems at once.”

He produced a check for $6.16 million.

“I’ll give you the spare change you want.  Then society will want you.”

He handed her the check.

“Now give me your blessing, mortal.  I need points upstairs.  Trying to change.”

But the girl walked away.

“Hey!” Lucifer called, but she turned a corner.

So he shrugged.  And took her soul.

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care, currently open for funding at indiegogo.com.

Hell hasn’t existed forever.  Many think it’s the Yin to Heaven’s Yang but that’s mixing mythologies.  There is a Yin; it’s called Eternal Darkness.  But it never became Hell until Lucifer arrived.  It will revert when he leaves.

Make no mistake: Hell is a punishment devised by God for a single angel and it follows him everywhere.  Everyone knows he can’t escape it.

But not poor Lucifer, who wants so badly to return to Heaven.

Don’t cry, Lou.  You don’t mean to be evil.  It’s just your punishment.

Put down that man’s head, Lou.

You’ll sooner die than be forgiven.

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care, currently open for funding at indiegogo.com.

“Needless to say, the Almighty Father crushed my little rebellion and banished me to eternal darkness.  I made it work for me, but ruling over hordes of miserable people gets old.  Now I seek to return home, to Heaven.”

“Wow,” says the bartender.  “That’s some shit.”

“Yeah.  Now comfort me,” says Lucifer.

The bartender mixes him some comfort.

“This is delicious,” Lucifer says. “What’s it called?”

“A Little Piece of Heaven.”  The bartender winks.

Lucifer’s eyes glow red.

“Are you… kidding me with this…?” he says, voice escalating.

The glass shatters.  The bartender screams.

“DO YOU THINK”—Lucifer stands—”THIS IS FUNNY, MORTAL?”

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care, currently open for funding at indiegogo.com.

“So that’s what I do,” said the bartender.  “Everyone who comes in here, I listen.  And no matter what horrible shit they’ve done, I tell them everything’s gonna be okay and I give them one on the house.”

“So,” said the man at the bar.  “You’re like a priest, except you give away false absolution and booze, all at no spiritual cost?”

“Pretty much.”

The man at the bar smiled.

“That makes you, like, my kind of priest.”

“You got a story, then?” the bartender asked.

“Oh yeah,” replied Lucifer, “I do.  So listen closely, it’s one hell of a tale.”

This is part of a series of 27 drabbles inspired by Kyle Johannessen’s short film Devil May Care, currently open for funding at indiegogo.com.

Aw, look at his big eyes and adorable trench coat!  Look at the scruff on his precious little face he grew as a cry for help!  Maybe we should let him in?

I don’t think Dad would like it.

You’re right, but still.  He’s so adorable.

He’s flipping us the bird.

Oh, so he is.

I can see why Dad keeps him out.

I wouldn’t let in a dog that bit me, either.

“Are you two done talking?” Lucifer said. “If so, you’re blocking the door and I need a drink.”

The angels stepped aside and The Devil entered the bar.