Evan Quinlan

Archive for the ‘Short Stories’ Category

The Tragedy of Hindsight

In Drabbles, Fiction, Short Stories on March 27, 2011 at 5:44 pm

The worst part of living isn’t dying; it’s that there are no redos.

Last summer my friend Elliot and I tried to climb into my bedroom window from the big oak outside.  I can still see Elliot trying to lift the pane when the branch snapped and he fell and broke his neck on the patio table.

The nights grew warm again and oak branches started scratching at my window, so Dad trimmed them.  I wish he hadn’t.  Because now I’m awake, still hearing something scratching at my window and knowing it’s not branches.  But like I said, no redos.


This story was written for the 100 Word Stories podcast’s Weekly Challenge #258.

A Few Chores Before Dying

In Drabbles, Fiction, Short Stories on March 26, 2011 at 8:41 pm

“Tired of taking out the trash?”  Suggested the ad on Ed’s screen.  “Tired of picking up Jimmy from school? Dreading that family reunion?  Do It Later! With Do It Later brand Temporal Procrastination™ technology, you can literally enjoy tomorrow’s work today!”

Ed was sold.  He barely heard the verbal fine print; something about “responsibility” and “paradoxes.”

***

“Who are you?” Jimmy asked the decrepit old man behind the wheel as he climbed into his father’s sedan.

“I’m your father,” he said. “Get used to me looking like this at most family events.  I’m sorry, Jim, I procrastinated some important work.”

Make Sure They’re Dry Before You Frame Them

In Drabbles, Fiction, Short Stories on March 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm

“I began by pressing flowers in books,” Jean-Francois told visitors to his gallery, “but like a fine dress, a flower is most beautiful in a living context.  Thus…”  He’d gesture toward his dozens of framed masterpieces, entire floral panoramas crushed into two dimensions with lush backdrops.  Pressed insects crawled on pressed stems; pressed frogs on pressed lily pads caught pressed flies with pressed tongues.  Jean-Francois had nearly perfected his technique.  Nearly.  Witnesses still recall the fateful summer he opened an exhibition of family portraits and the screams of onlookers as the air conditioners failed and the portraits began to bleed.

Quality Control

In Drabbles, Fiction, Short Stories on February 16, 2011 at 1:32 pm

The studio buzzed and the old man tasted electricity in the air.  He turned from his canvas to see a woman in a suit step out of a portal hovering in midair.

“How—?”  He began.

“Do as I ask and I’ll tell you,” she smiled.  “You’d undoubtedly appreciate it.  Now, I lead Quality Control for the Louvre Museum in Paris where, in 400 years, your painting will draw millions of visitors annually.  After studying 250 alternate realities I’ve determined we’ll enjoy maximum traffic if you repaint your subject with a delicate smile—just enough to peak the curiosity of the viewer.”


This story was written for the 100 Word Stories podcast’s Weekly Challenge #253.

Clown School

In Drabbles, Fiction, Short Stories on February 13, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Tie-Bow the Clown rested his hand on the Hilarity Button.  Laughing, he pressed it and the conveyor belt behind the Plexiglas reversed direction.

Tie-Bow’s clowning routine, leading fake bow-tying workouts, had foundered with Billy Blanks’ popularity.  Now, though, his ingenious basement invention offered him an inexhaustible supply of fresh material.

One of the hobos chained to the conveyor amused Tie-Bow so he slapped the Hilarity Button.  The conveyor reversed, carrying the temporarily relieved man farther from the buzz-saw on his end.  The other hobo renewed his clowning with desperation, one laugh away from earning a few more moments of life.

Sweet and Salty

In Fiction, Short Stories on February 9, 2011 at 10:01 pm

In an effort to curb alcoholism, the FDA ordered bottling plants to insert a live bee into every 20th beer.  This had two effects: first, it curbed alcoholism.  Second, it made a multi-billionaire of  Shelby R. Danville, whose business making scuba gear for bees had heretofore floundered.  One day near the end of a financial quarter Shelby noticed that sales of SCUBEE®s had exceeded the number of bees bottled.  Curious, he surveyed a wild hive and found the bees had acquired their own SCUBEE® apparatuses and were moving their hive underseas.  Shelby set out in his yacht and was never seen on land again, although his cousin did receive a soggy letter by post that read, “When you see something called ‘reef honey’ on the market, invest.”

The Maltese :(|)

In Fiction, Short Stories on February 8, 2011 at 8:23 pm

She swaggered into my office with hips that knocked my libido into next week.  I’m sure she saw <3 in my eyes but girls like her turn <3 into </3 faster than you can say :-X.

“O:-)” she purred demurely but I didn’t buy the act.  I knew a >:-) when I saw one.  I’d have to play it B-).

“:-/” I inquired skeptically.

“:-P” she teased, coming closer.  She sat on my lap and came in for :-* but I saw her slipping the gun out of her garter belt.  I was faster.  With a look of :-O and then :'( she collapsed on the desk with a smoking hole in her back.

The tattoo on her now cold shoulder confirmed my suspicions: she had come for the Maltese :(|).  Well, she’d never get it.

A Zombie Parable

In Drabbles, Fiction, Mysticism, Short Stories on January 25, 2011 at 4:18 pm

A woman fleeing from a zombie found herself on the roof of a skyscraper.  She climbed over the rail and shimmied away from the zombie on a flagpole jutting from the building’s edge.  Hundreds of feet below, a shifting mass of shapes howled with hunger and rage.

Two decaying, zombified pigeons, one white, one black, landed on the flagpole from which she hung and began to peck at her fingers.  She looked straight ahead and saw herself reflected in the tower’s glass exterior.  Behind her, a golden sunrise peeked over the city’s silhouetted skyline.

That sunrise is very beautiful, she thought.

Essence of Hyena

In Drabbles, Fiction, Short Stories on January 12, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Garrick gazed forlornly into his pint of ale.  Sensing movement, he looked up to see that a man had sat down next to him.  The man grinned fiercely and clutched a frothing mug of ale still sloshing from recent movement.

“Hellllloooo,” the man anounced, “YOU look like you could use a laugh!”

“I suppose,” replied Garrick.  “It’s terrible: I own a traveling zoo and this morning I found all my hyenas dead and dried up like prunes!

“Oh,” said the man, grin fading.  “Uh, nevermind, then.”  Garrick didn’t see him slip a corked bottle labeled laughter back into his pocket.

A Peace Offering

In Fan Fiction, Fiction, Short Stories on January 10, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Rylen didn’t care that he’d attracted the attention of the guards on duty as he marched angrily toward the small door on the other side of the compound.  Afterimages of blood-stained fields and charred corpses still reeled in his mind and, upon bursting into the office, he lost no time in firing his words at the unimposing man who looked up from the map spread out on the desk before him.

“You treacherous, incompetent coward!” he exclaimed.

A sergeant near the corner reached for his blaster but the unimposing man raised a hand, ordering the motion to a halt.

“I’m sorry, Commander Rylen,” said the man, who wore a pilot’s uniform.  “What seems to be the problem?”

“You should be executed,” Rylen spat.  “You left my men out there to die!”

“I never leave men to die,” replied the man.  “I leave men to live.”

This seemed so nonsensical to Rylen that he opened his mouth then closed it again, unable to think of any reply.  The man continued, calmly:

“If we had pressed on, the Imperials would have picked us off with long-range cannons.  Once they mounted an energy shield my fighters couldn’t penetrate—”

“—You didn’t even try—” Rylen cut in.

“—and you lost your armored transport—”

“—because you failed to cover us—”

“—all we would have achieved would have been death.”

“Then we’d have died!” Rylen shouted.  The silence that followed the outburst was too quiet, telling Rylen that even people outside the office had stopped to listen.  The air was tense.

The pilot across the desk studied him levelly.  Rylen took a breath.

“General… my men would all rather die than bow to the Remnant,” he said.  “We would die for our queen and we would die gladly for Naboo.”

The pilot-general seemed to acknowledge Rylen’s remission and nodded almost imperceptibly.  Then he said to the Rebel in the corner:

“Sergeant, on second thought… give me your blaster.”

Rylen tensed.

The sergeant removed his firearm and handed it to his superior, who, in turn, handed it to Rylen.  Rylen took it with trepidation, his anger visibly faltering.

“In 80 hours I give you permission to shoot me in the head with this blaster,” the general said to him.

Rylen was stunned.

“What?”

“Consider it… a peace offering.”  The general sat down.  Rylen, not knowing quite what to do with the weapon, held it awkwardly.

“Let me tell you a story,” the man continued.  “It happened not very long ago but it feels like an entire lifetime has passed since then.  Before I founded Rogue Squadron I flew with the Rebel fleet at the Battle of Yavin.  It was Hell in the sky.  A lot of men died… good ones and bad ones.  I was almost one of them.  A pursuing TIE fighter shot up my stabilizer and I had to pull out.  I actually had to leave the battle.”  He paused.  “Do you know what it’s like to have to make the decision to flee?”

Rylen shook his head.  “I may have, today… but you took that away from me.  You made the decision for me when you ordered the retreat.”

“Consider it a favor,” the general said with an empty smile.  “It makes you feel like a failure.  An incompetent.  A… ‘treacherous coward,’ it’s true.  I thought I had let the Rebellion down that day, and I probably should have died.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No.  I lived.  And do you know what I did later?”

“Yes.”

The general smiled; genuine this time.  “Yes, I thought you might.  I destroyed the Second Death Star.”

Rylen lowered his eyes to stare at the pistol.  He was now thoroughly embarrassed that he had publicly insulted this man credited with the destruction of the Empire’s second-greatest weapon.

Wedge Antilles leaned forward and traced his finger on the map.

“At random increments exceeding no more than two hours, starting immediately, a pair of my X-wings will make attack runs on the energy shield.  The intermittent attacks will be ineffectual, of course, except to serve one purpose: they will force the Imperials to keep their energy shield live.”

The light of understanding began to cross Rylen’s face.

“Between two and three days from now the Imperials will run out of energy and be forced to abandon their position for open ground.  The same open ground from which you just came.”

“That’s a bad position,” Rylen said.

“Yes, it is.  So you see, less than 80 hours from now you’ll be free of the Imperial Remnant on Naboo for good.  They’ll be easily overwhelmed.  And if they decide to stay where they are, one of my bones will nuke them from the stratosphere.”

Rylen blinked.

“One of my Y-wings,” Wedge clarified.

“Sir, I…”

“So,” Wedge said, standing.  “You can shoot me, if you want, when the time comes.  But you want to know why I ordered the retreat?  The reason is because I’ve learned the difference between cause and effect.  People revere both martyrs and heroes… but martyrs die for a cause and heroes live for an effect.”  He met Rylen’s eyes once again.  This time, though, his face was soft.  Almost kind, as Rylen imagined it was naturally when the man wasn’t fighting wars.  “Which one would you rather be, Commander Rylen?  A martyr… or a hero?”

After a long moment Rylen placed the gun on the desk.

“I won’t be needing this, sir,” he said.

“Good,” Wedge said, leaning back in his chair.  “Because I know a few bucket heads with itchy trigger fingers that love shooting at moving targets, and I don’t think they’d take too kindly to you if you took me up on my offer.”  He added, “You’re dismissed, Commander.”

Rylen saluted and left the room.  Wedge let out a sigh.

“With boys like that in the Rebel army, it’s no wonder the Empire lost,” he said.

Less than a year later Wedge retired for the first time.  Having achieved peace through battle and victory through survival, he would be known as a hero throughout the galaxy for generations to come.  The warrior who lived.  The Rebel who made the most difficult choice of all.

You can’t do any good back there, the voice in his memory said.

Oh yes I can, he replied.

 

Wedge Antilles’ biography.